I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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