He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish you could order shots online.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
