this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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