im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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