I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i think im in europe. pls send help
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