What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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