what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
