I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
