I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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