U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
