Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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