is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
