My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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