some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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