I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
