Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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