I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
