having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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