just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
