I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
