Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
