I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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