She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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