accomplished twins. life is a go
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
