Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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