Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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