he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
pop tarts are not kleenex
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize