I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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