I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
