I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
