she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
