You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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