Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize