Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
