Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
