I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
