I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
