god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
