I murdered the dance floor call the cops
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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