I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
