I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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