Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.