my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?