apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.