Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
