what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
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Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.