Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
