The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
