im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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