Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pants are for mortals
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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