Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
