remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
