it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
