This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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