we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
