...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
