I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
