I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
