He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize