how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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