Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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