Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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