My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
