I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
