some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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