There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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