i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
