Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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