Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
