just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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