i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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