I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
