I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize